1: The jolly hero and the first cracks

Spring, Early 1965

I remember it now, like it was yesterday; though as a child I had completely blocked it out of my mind. I was allowed to play on the front porch. But admonished never to leave it: the porch was my playground. There I threw a big yellow ball up in the air. My five-year old runty body tossing the ball underhanded as high as I could. I hoped the ball could reach the clouds and knock over one of them.

About this book

This is a novel I am publishing on line. Every week I will publish a new chapter. Parts of this work were previously published on Wattpad. However unlike that publication this one will contain improvements and refinements.  I hope you enjoy the novel. Feel free to comment, share and discuss.

White Nausea

In the well-meaning and surprisingly banal book, White Fragility by Robin Di’Angelo, there is a discussion around ‘White fragility’ in talking about racism. I don’t think the term fragility does it justice, it’s a little more like short-fused, nasty, vicious and mean. However, I do admit White Short-fused Nasty, Vicious and Mean Snappiness does not make for a catchy title—but how about The White Rabid Defense Reflex? Or more to the point, nod to JP Sartre: White Racial Nausea. Either way it seriously understates the larger issue in which this fragility must be seen.

Hero worship vs the human

I have many heroes, I am embarrassed to list some of them here. People who have played positive roles in my life and inspired me to do as well as I can. A random partial list—people with an incredible strong sense of integrity, and wisdom: Harvey Milk. Gustav Mahler, Golda Meier, Winston  Churchill, Malcolm X, Theodore Heschel, Friedrich Nietzsche, Hermann Hesse, John Kennedy, Eleanor Roosevelt, Lyndon Baines Johnson, Menelik II, Johannes Brahms, Martin Luther King, Jr, Senator Phillip Hart.

Help the people of Yemen

There is a humanitarian disaster going on in Yemen. In a world of humanitarian disasters this one truly has our hand in it. The root cause is the civil war whcih is being relentlessly conducted  with American backed Saudi support to the goverment forces against the Houthi rebels. But this is no time to blame one side or the other it is a time to act to help the best we can those staring and dying.

Better Red than Dead, My Leader

(Mein Führer: Besser Rot als tot)

Writer's note: I started out writing a satrirical piece about how far would the republican populists go in their murderous racism, and i decided to place it in the future as a vehicle to actually explore the current tenor and trend of the debate if we continue to leave this unchecked. So read this piece and wake up America!)

Washington DC— Sometime in the future a house judiciary committee meeting

John Conyers XVI: Rico we have to talk about this later. The Chair wants to start the debate now.

Depression in the age of Trump

It is very hard to take that almost 50% of this country supports a blatantly incompetent president. No one has done more damage to America’s greatness and its reputation. Yet an alarming number of people continue to cheer him on. We’ve become the laughing stock of the foreign press. We are destroying our precious country’s environment with a fervor never seen before in the face of a direness of climate destruction never seen before. It seems like huge swaths of our country live in denial. It’s hard not to see this as totally hopeless.

Surviving the deepest mourning

It has been a little over two years since the passing of my husband, Morris Taylor. And strangely enough it is only now that I am beginning to finally clean up the house. You see, I have been holding on to Morris's possessions like a life preserver: afraid anything important to him during his lifetime was a dear treasure to him in the afterworld/life. I was worried that the absence of any of this stuff would send his spirit off to join the company of his first wife in the grave of far off Berrien Springs, never to be seen again. But this was really only the beginning.

On Suicidal Thoughts

I have had to struggle with suicidal thoughts these past years. I am surviving with them, coping with them. And maybe if i share some of my experience it can help you too? As many know my husband/Master of almost 10 years died. I suffered a depression, so I am no stranger to suicidal thoughts. Sometimes they seem so strong I fear they will overwhelm me. And sometimes they do. But those thoughts never switch into actions. I find myself stronger than the thoughts. But I also keep in mind three things: First, I am conscious that I am depressed.